There's this boy, we'll call him James for privacy sake, that I have truly been in love with since the seventh grade. Back in the seventh grade I, I first took notice of him when my friend was teasing him and calling him "the greasy-haired boy" along with his friend, we'll call Jeff. When my friend was telling me how much she like Jeff, I told her how I though James was cuter than Jeff. She looked at me like I was crazy and my love for James began. For most of that year, I flirted with him like I would with any guy and in a sense he flirted back. At that point, I only liked him. Then one day, some of his friends, we'll call Tom, Dave and Cameron, came up to me during lunch in the courtyard and asked me if I would go out with James. I, of course, said no, because I knew it was a joke or they were just teasing him. Cameron then said that James said he really loved me and that he talked about me all the time. I still declined and they went to tell James. Later that day, James came up to me and told me how he didn't like me that way, as I suspected. But, for the rest of the year all of James' friends kept coming up to me and telling me how he really did love me and how he talked about me all the time. Although I cherished the thought and hoped to God that it was true, I told them that I didn't believe them. I would look at my self and think why on earth would James like me? The year ended and I thought about James all summer long. But when school started, James was one of the popular kids and was going out with one more popular girls. I had missed my chance if it had even been there in the first place.

That year his locker was very close to my own. I flirted with him the entire time. For the second semester we had phys. ed. Together. It was the only way I could openly flirt with him. Being naturally competitive, I would always challenge him in certain sports and stuff. Towards the beginning of the semester we started with square dancing. I can still remember how my heart would leap into my throat when we would change dance partners and James and I would get to dance together. I remember the smile on my face when we would all have to dance in a circle and he would be practically pulling me into the air as we went around. It was bliss. Later in the year, the class would play this came called Matball, which was like kickball, but you used big gymnastics mats as the bases and you could have as many people on a base as you wanted and you could run around the bases as many times as you wanted. I did the most flirting during that game. When we were on the same team, we would collaborate with one another to get people on the other team. When we were on different teams, we would be consciously out to get each other. I loved Matball. To this day, whenever some mentions Matball I think of James. When the class had to play soccer, we would always go for each other and we were the whole team when we were on the same team. I remember one time I was coming out of the game to take a rest and he was coming in for me and when he went by me he patted me on the lower back and said, "Nice job out there." I was practically walking on air the entire day because he actually touched me. I hate the time after gym, though, because after 45 minutes of flirting, I would have to watch him with his girlfriend. The worse part of it was that I'd played basketball with her that year, so we were practically friends.

So, the year ended and I really didn’t think about him too much during the summer, but one day at soccer training I saw them. He walked in the door looking absolutely beautiful. I hadn't seen him all summer and looked perfect. We talked for a moment and then he went to go lift. During the fall of freshman year, we both played soccer and I would always sit with his circle of friends as we all waited for our practices to start. There was one time when I was sitting with them, and someone had taken the chair I was using as a footrest. I whined a little, but was just going to deal with it, when he nudged his foot under mine and told me I could use his knee as a footrest. I was ecstatic, but a little embarrassed because he kept commenting on how small my feet were. I only wear a size 5 1/2. I remember another time when it was almost time for practice to start and a few of my teammates and I were sitting around talking about how tan we were all getting because of soccer. Then James comes from practically nowhere and starts talking with us. I starting teasing them because I was darker on my ankles than they were all on their arms. James then comes in really close to me and put his arm by my ankle to compare the shades of darkness. I can still remember how my heart was pounding out of my chest the whole time. There was also sometime during that fall when I almost told him about how I felt about him by accident. He was doing a typical guy thing and seeing how far he could stick a lollipop stick up his nose. I walked away after a bit with some of my teammates because it was almost time for practice. We were walking down the hall and some of them started talking about James. I then said, "Did you guys see what he was doing over there." Then from behind me James said, "No, what was I doing?" I screamed and started laughing because he surprised me and I was happy that he wasn't mad and was laughing too. But, I was mostly laughing because I was about to tell my teammates how much I like him. Later in the fall, I worked up all the nerve I had and I asked James if what had happened in 7^th grade had been a joke or what. He said it was a joke, but it still makes me think sometimes. What if I did say yes? Would he have acted differently?

Somewhere in that year I decided that he was totally out of my league because he hung out with the really popular kids and I hung out with a group that was just below him. I had convinced myself that I didn't like him, but there would always be a certain way he would say hi to me that would turn me back in to mush. Sophomore year went like that throughout the year. Some days I'd see him and I'd have to say "hi" first before he would even look at me. Then, of course there were those days when I wouldn't say anything to him and he wouldn't even noticed that I was standing there. Then there was the occasional day when he would say "hi" to me first. Then for the rest of the day I'd feel like I was completely in love with him.

This summer, I hadn't ever thought of him and I saw him today at the grocery store where I work. He looked perfect again and we talked briefly. When he left, I didn't stop thinking about him. And now I truly realize that crushes last for a year, max. But this thing with James has been going on for four years. Today I realized that I am in love with James.

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