A week ago, I went on a diet.
I had come to this final decision about two weeks earlier when my mother was in town and we were discussing possible low-carb diet options. At first, I wanted to roll my eyes at the discussion, but then she mentioned how her own body had to detox from carbs and that was my eye opener. I, too, am addicted to carbs and, like any other drug, I had to give up them. Unlike nicotine, alcohol or even caffeine, however, carbs are a major force in the American way of life.
Everywhere one turns, carbs can be found, for multiple meals a day for most or all parts of each meal and it is this that I face as I decided to make the leap into what I hope to be my final diet. I say “final diet” because this is not the first time I have done something like this, but this time around, it feels more like a health concern more than something I just want to do.
I have been recently diagnosed with diabetes which means now I have to lose the weight or I will be facing insulin shots, blindness and amputation in my future. I barely managed to successfully have my blood taken so the idea of daily shots is abhorrent to me that it only was cause enough to jump start the diet.
Everywhere I look, I feel like I am in some kind of science fiction movie as my brain throws little labels on every building or package that houses food and, everywhere I glance, carbs are abound. What is worse is the constant bombardment of candy, cookies, mac and cheese, etc. at potlucks that tempt me endless, but I press on nonetheless.
Some time last year, I attempted to jump start some weight loss as I reached well into the 220?s and was coming closer to my best friend’s wedding, but a year later, I had only managed to gain an additional twenty instead of losing it, and I stood as a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding at over 240 pounds.
I have been on and off some kind of weight loss program since I was about 17 years old and stopped playing sports. Even prior to that, I was moving into the 170?s and was very unhappy about how I looked. I tried Weight Watchers with my mother, but went on the plan and off the plan to the point that I could lead a successful meeting all on my own.
In June 2008, I told my then 226 pound self that I wanted to weigh less than 200 by my college graduation in August. I stopped eating any fast food, weighed myself daily and tracked it (in Excel, with charts!), worked out nearly every day and cooked heavily. By the end of August I had dropped 20 pounds, but the stress of those final exams and the stress of even wondering if something might hold back gaining my diploma took its toll. Between graduation and the fact that I was writing what I consider to be my first novel (Flight, though it is fan fiction), I got to the beginning of September thoroughly exhausted and unwilling to continue what I had done in the past three months. In the next two years, I gained back all the weight I had lost and gained even more to push me from chubby to teetering on obese and desiring to get back down to 226.
The past week has been quite the challenge for me, in more ways than one. I know from my last foray in a full diet is that this is something I can do; it is all a matter of willpower. My head hurts terribly and I am having fantasies of eating things that make little to no sense. I have been a vegetarian for three years, but see myself chowing down on KFC by the bucket. When I am not imagining meat, it is canisters of Stove Top stuffing, pizza or grilled cheese sandwiches. I have survived this for a full seven days and managed to drop at least 9 pounds, the fastest weight loss I have ever experienced.
This week already feels slightly more pressing than the last as I feel myself growing bored with frozen broccoli and greens and cabbage, but with a few iPhone apps and a couple bookmarked websites, I think I can be a little imaginative and add some creativity to my diet.
Last week, I went as far into carb-free as I could; no bread, no fruit, no rice, no pasta and no fries or sandwiches or anything with a lot of carbs on the nutrition label. I started to go a little bonkers this afternoon, but I think I’m feeling all right now. Next week will continue my zero-carb initiative and the week afterward, I will add fruit back into the mix. The plan is that by September, I can add brown rice and whole grain bread. I am not sure what I will do after that, but the hope is that my birthday will see some great results.
My ultimate goal is to weight 150, which leaves me with another 80 pounds to drop and, while I harbor no realistic dreams about dropping the remaining 80 by Christmas or something, I do see it happening eventually and, if nothing else, I want to simply maintain instead of gain.
I don’t like spending $400 a month on fast food alone and I don’t like being “the fat girl” everywhere I go. No matter I do, whether I continue with my career at Chase or if I actually become a writer, my weight will affect me adversely in my endeavours. At this point, it is simply a matter of willpower and, if I could do it in 2008, I know I can do it now.